Mistakes. Something so many people struggle with. Something I have struggled with.
In fact, people struggle with mistakes so much they are more likely to say "oops, I lied" or refuse to admit or even acknowledge that they made a mistake. To me, this oozes with shame and the negative connotations people have with the idea of mistakes.
So what if there is no such thing as mistakes?
What if everything is just experimenting with different options and sometimes things go as intended and sometimes not?
Sure, there are times when our actions are less of an experiment and we or others have repeatedly done something harmful. But to me, in the world of mistakes (if there is such a thing) that is more of a choice than a true mistake.
In the world of mistakes we have engaged in some action, often based on our assumptions, beliefs, past experiences, etc., that didn't work this time.
So how is that bad? Why do we have shame about this, taking on that ...
I’ve been reflecting on Dr. Brene Brown’s work from her latest book Atlas of the Heart, particularly around the interplay of perfectionism and shame, and how that negatively impacts belonging.
Reflecting back, I think I was pretty authentically myself until high school. Having come from a very small parochial school with only 15 kids in my class, it felt safe to be me. I specifically recall when that stopped, which was almost immediately after entering high school. In order to “fit in” within the new culture with which I was faced, I worked hard at being who I thought I was supposed to be and being less of who I really was/am.
It’s heartbreaking to look back and see how my younger self got lost. Especially because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t fit in. The less she fit in, the harder she tried to be perfectly what she thought she was supposed to be and in turn, the less she fit in. To say this cycle...